I hate starting blogs, to be honest, because I never finish them. Since starting my music blog though, I've committed myself. Like a mental patient, because sometimes I feel like I was stupid to commit. (But mental patients don't commit themselves, do they? Maybe I'm thinking of addicts. . . Anyway!) I did commit though, because I felt like this would be a good ministry for me. I've been trying to find a good way to serve the Lord, and I've never felt as led to do something like this before, but now that I've made that promise to Him to write it, I have to finish it. Or at least keep it up for as long as I can!
It's been really hard. I've been going through a lot of spiritual warfare trying to write. I guess Satan doesn't want it written, which I suppose it's a good thing. But. . . That doesn't make it any easier on me. Or give me any comfort. It's really discouraging when I sit down to write and I hit the thickest writer's block that I have EVER hit. I'm a good writer. Like, for real! I love writing and it's just something that I've always done. So, having this happen to me now is a major pain and I have never been as mad at Satan as I am now. I really wish he'd just find another distraction. (Sorry, but that's just how I feel.)
So, just besides the writer's block that often leaves me in tears of frustration (Dramatic, I know, but hey! I'm pregnant and we pregnant ladies have the right to be a little emotional, right?), I've been having the weirdest nightmares, which is very unusual for me; I haven't had a nightmare since I was 15 or 16. It sucks, not only because they are REALLY scary, but because my husband (Jeremiah) is such an incredibly sound sleeper, that even if I wake up shaking, he just lays there. (So, I do a lot of secretive snuggling. . . I think I use parentheses more than is proper.) I don't know where the nightmares are coming from. It's not like I get scared easily or disturbed easily. I've watched way too many scary movies than are good for me and they never have bothered me. I guess it's just another way that Satan's trying to get to me.
I've been praying that the Lord will just take everything away, and telling Him that I'm not sure that I can do this. It may sound stupid and simple, but it's not! It's crazy! I never thought I'd be attacked by writing a blog! It's just the easiest thing, and yet, it's given me loads of unwanted comments and stress that I DO NOT need with the soon-to-be baby and being a stay at home wife and all that junk (good junk, but strenuous junk!) that goes with it. Then, I just have to keep reminding myself that God is not going to put more on my shoulders than I can carry, and if He knows I can bear this heavy of a load, then I should be confident and feel a peace that I CAN do it through Him! I don't right now, but I have a feeling that things are gonna be looking up soon. So, I'm going to "keep my chin up" (as one of my best friend's always advises me to do. Yes, if you read this, you know I'm talking about you, mister!) and just start trusting Him more.
Awesome end analysis, I would have to completely agree! You are HIS and Satan hates the love between you! Don't feel rediculous, you know a bit of my past as well and it's caused me to react just the same; like a scared little kid lol. One thing though that I will share with you I've used since I was just a small child. Over 20 years later I am not ashamed to admit I still do it all the time, and it still helps every time! Next time you get scared or feel lost close your eyes and imagine a ray of light (like one you'd see peaking through dark stormy clouds) shining down long, slender, and with direct purpose and RIGHT onto you! The warm light, the grace of God, so loving and protecting. Lift your face to the light, feel it's warmth and breath it in. HE has you within it's guarding glow.
ReplyDeleteIt is so great to know that with God, you honestly don't need anything else. Nothing else is necessary when you have Him and are dwelling in the light of His presence. I'm so thankful to be serving the only true God who takes care of my every need and worry.
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