Ladies and gents, I abhor washing dishes. I would almost rather do anything than dishes. Not only do they make my hands all dry and my eczema run rampant, but they never end! I swear, it literally takes me an hour to get them all done every morning and then another half hour after dinner. I can't even breathe a sigh of relief when I go to bed at night, because I know that I'll have a million more to do in the morning, since a bowl and spoon are not sufficient enough for Jeremiah to have his breakfast in in the morning. He has to dirty a million spoons and cups and bowls, so I have another sink full in the morning! I've tried leaving the empty dishwasher open for him in the morning, so he'll get the hint and load it himself. To no avail. How hard is it to load a dishwasher, Jere?! Seriously?!
So, between the million dishes I've been washing today, I've had to sweep and mop and clean the bathroom to sparkly perfection. . . My parents are coming here tomorrow, and it's a 3 hour drive from their house to ours, so I'd like it to look gorgeous. Which is difficult for me to accomplish, since I'm not the tidiest person. Yes, I like a clean house, but I don't freak out if there's a few DVDs or books left lying around. I don't mind the wash cloth draped over the sink or the bills left out on the counter, so I won't forget to pay them. But, this is my mom we're talking about here, and she pretty much runs a clutter free house. Heaven knows how she does it. (I can barely keep up with all these stupid dishes!)
One of the reasons I'm so determined to have a flawless house, is because I'm pretty sure my mom is expecting to walk in on less than a clean house. I'm going to show that I can make a immaculate house though, and then I'll let it fall apart again once my parents and little sister go back home. But, maybe I'll love a spotless house and keep it that way. (It would be spotless if I didn't have so many dishes!! Gah!!)
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
That's the Way You Want To Play It, Huh?
So, last night, things got kicked up a notch. I'm not going to say that what happened was definitely something demonic, per se, but it was totally something to get me shaken up with all the fear that's be recently thrust upon me. . . It was really late. I couldn't sleep, but that's a normalcy for me. I often go through bouts of insomnia, so it wasn't something that I read into or wondered about. I just got out of bed and came into the dining room to get on my laptop.
I didn't feel like I'd been sitting there for long (but according to Jeremiah, I'd been out of bed from 11 to 3:30), when I just started to get the feeling that there was someone watching me, which wasn't really possibly for someone to do without being seen, I thought, given the very close quarters and sparse furniture in our house. Then I remembered the lack of blinds on our kitchen window. Oh, yeah. . . That.
I tried not to think about it and just kept on what I was doing; not looking up from my computer, because ignoring always makes annoying and/or creepy things go away, right? Well, obviously whatever this was didn't get bored with my lack of response and, like an obnoxious little kid, just tried to get my attention more. It (he, her, whatever the heck "it" was) started making soft, quick tapping noises on the window. At first, I was just like, "Whatever, it's probably some stupid bug hitting the window trying to get inside where the light is." I still didn't look up however, and my over active, not always very practical mind started to create all these images of what could be standing between that bare window and me. . . And I'm pretty imaginative, so you get the idea that what I was conjuring up wasn't some cute little bunny. . . More like Donnie Darko. Something to that extent.
I kept my head down and turned up the volume on my laptop. I was just going to ignore it and not let something that was probably nothing scare me back to the bedroom. But, the tapping started to get louder. I couldn't take it anymore, so without looking at the window, I rose from my chair and turned to switch off the dining room light. The moment my fingers touched the switch, however, two INCREDIBLY LOUD knocks came from the window. Too loud for some little animal or insect to make, unless they had a fist at least as big as mine. I jumped and (I'm ashamed to say) ran into the bedroom where I crashed open the door and jumped directly on top of my poor sleeping husband, who had to get up in 2 and a half hours. (I know some of you think that's funny, but when you're up late in your blindless kitchen in the middle of the night with no light on outside and some demon or whatever pounds on your window, you'll feel differently.)
Well, needless to say, Jeremiah woke up and since he's so sweet and forgiving for all the ridiculous things I do, he got up and looked outside for me. There was nothing there (of freaking course!) and we both went back to bed. I was shaking a little bit for quite awhile, but Jeremiah stayed up with me until I had calmed down and he lost a lot of sleep. (I'd better make a really good dinner tonight. >_< )
I finally fell sound asleep around 5 this morning (And just woke up at noon. Oops!), and now I'm really just sort of angry. I figured I'd wake up and rethink the incident and pass it off as nothing, but I can't do that and the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that there definitely was something or someone out there last night. If it was a person, then that's super creepy and what the heck was he doing pounding on my window at 3 in the morning?! But, if it was something demonic. . . well, it's not the first time I've dealt with demons, and that's the part that makes me mad. It's like, I feel like I'm at a good place right now. Not the best, because we can honestly all use a lot of growth in our spiritual lives and our walk with the Lord. But, the place I'm at is a lot better than the place I was before when I was having. . . ummm. . ? "Encounters", I guess, with demons in my past. (And I'd love to go into more detail about that, but that's why I hate personal blogging, because I get caught up in talking about my very long, very weird past and then I feel like I need to explain my whole life story, and then I get annoyed with talking about it and stop writing that blog forever and ever, amen. So, let's just say I was not in a good place between the ages of 16 and 18. . . Very. Bad. Years. Maybe I'll explain more later.)
But I guess that's why he's been bothering me so much. I mean, if Satan has you, he's not going to come and bang on your kitchen window in the middle of the night! He's going to leave you alone in the trap he's already got you in! But once you're following the Lord, he's going to do whatever he can to get you back. He knows your weak spots and he hits as hard as he can where he know it hurts worst. He's had me before in a place I never wanted to be at and I'm sure a heck NOT willing to go back there now. So, Satan, you can do your very worst, because my God is stronger and He's got my back. . .
I didn't feel like I'd been sitting there for long (but according to Jeremiah, I'd been out of bed from 11 to 3:30), when I just started to get the feeling that there was someone watching me, which wasn't really possibly for someone to do without being seen, I thought, given the very close quarters and sparse furniture in our house. Then I remembered the lack of blinds on our kitchen window. Oh, yeah. . . That.
I tried not to think about it and just kept on what I was doing; not looking up from my computer, because ignoring always makes annoying and/or creepy things go away, right? Well, obviously whatever this was didn't get bored with my lack of response and, like an obnoxious little kid, just tried to get my attention more. It (he, her, whatever the heck "it" was) started making soft, quick tapping noises on the window. At first, I was just like, "Whatever, it's probably some stupid bug hitting the window trying to get inside where the light is." I still didn't look up however, and my over active, not always very practical mind started to create all these images of what could be standing between that bare window and me. . . And I'm pretty imaginative, so you get the idea that what I was conjuring up wasn't some cute little bunny. . . More like Donnie Darko. Something to that extent.
I kept my head down and turned up the volume on my laptop. I was just going to ignore it and not let something that was probably nothing scare me back to the bedroom. But, the tapping started to get louder. I couldn't take it anymore, so without looking at the window, I rose from my chair and turned to switch off the dining room light. The moment my fingers touched the switch, however, two INCREDIBLY LOUD knocks came from the window. Too loud for some little animal or insect to make, unless they had a fist at least as big as mine. I jumped and (I'm ashamed to say) ran into the bedroom where I crashed open the door and jumped directly on top of my poor sleeping husband, who had to get up in 2 and a half hours. (I know some of you think that's funny, but when you're up late in your blindless kitchen in the middle of the night with no light on outside and some demon or whatever pounds on your window, you'll feel differently.)
Well, needless to say, Jeremiah woke up and since he's so sweet and forgiving for all the ridiculous things I do, he got up and looked outside for me. There was nothing there (of freaking course!) and we both went back to bed. I was shaking a little bit for quite awhile, but Jeremiah stayed up with me until I had calmed down and he lost a lot of sleep. (I'd better make a really good dinner tonight. >_< )
I finally fell sound asleep around 5 this morning (And just woke up at noon. Oops!), and now I'm really just sort of angry. I figured I'd wake up and rethink the incident and pass it off as nothing, but I can't do that and the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that there definitely was something or someone out there last night. If it was a person, then that's super creepy and what the heck was he doing pounding on my window at 3 in the morning?! But, if it was something demonic. . . well, it's not the first time I've dealt with demons, and that's the part that makes me mad. It's like, I feel like I'm at a good place right now. Not the best, because we can honestly all use a lot of growth in our spiritual lives and our walk with the Lord. But, the place I'm at is a lot better than the place I was before when I was having. . . ummm. . ? "Encounters", I guess, with demons in my past. (And I'd love to go into more detail about that, but that's why I hate personal blogging, because I get caught up in talking about my very long, very weird past and then I feel like I need to explain my whole life story, and then I get annoyed with talking about it and stop writing that blog forever and ever, amen. So, let's just say I was not in a good place between the ages of 16 and 18. . . Very. Bad. Years. Maybe I'll explain more later.)
But I guess that's why he's been bothering me so much. I mean, if Satan has you, he's not going to come and bang on your kitchen window in the middle of the night! He's going to leave you alone in the trap he's already got you in! But once you're following the Lord, he's going to do whatever he can to get you back. He knows your weak spots and he hits as hard as he can where he know it hurts worst. He's had me before in a place I never wanted to be at and I'm sure a heck NOT willing to go back there now. So, Satan, you can do your very worst, because my God is stronger and He's got my back. . .
Stick that in your juice box and suck it.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Satan Needs A New Hobby, Because Bugging Me Is Getting Annoying.
I hate starting blogs, to be honest, because I never finish them. Since starting my music blog though, I've committed myself. Like a mental patient, because sometimes I feel like I was stupid to commit. (But mental patients don't commit themselves, do they? Maybe I'm thinking of addicts. . . Anyway!) I did commit though, because I felt like this would be a good ministry for me. I've been trying to find a good way to serve the Lord, and I've never felt as led to do something like this before, but now that I've made that promise to Him to write it, I have to finish it. Or at least keep it up for as long as I can!
It's been really hard. I've been going through a lot of spiritual warfare trying to write. I guess Satan doesn't want it written, which I suppose it's a good thing. But. . . That doesn't make it any easier on me. Or give me any comfort. It's really discouraging when I sit down to write and I hit the thickest writer's block that I have EVER hit. I'm a good writer. Like, for real! I love writing and it's just something that I've always done. So, having this happen to me now is a major pain and I have never been as mad at Satan as I am now. I really wish he'd just find another distraction. (Sorry, but that's just how I feel.)
So, just besides the writer's block that often leaves me in tears of frustration (Dramatic, I know, but hey! I'm pregnant and we pregnant ladies have the right to be a little emotional, right?), I've been having the weirdest nightmares, which is very unusual for me; I haven't had a nightmare since I was 15 or 16. It sucks, not only because they are REALLY scary, but because my husband (Jeremiah) is such an incredibly sound sleeper, that even if I wake up shaking, he just lays there. (So, I do a lot of secretive snuggling. . . I think I use parentheses more than is proper.) I don't know where the nightmares are coming from. It's not like I get scared easily or disturbed easily. I've watched way too many scary movies than are good for me and they never have bothered me. I guess it's just another way that Satan's trying to get to me.
I've been praying that the Lord will just take everything away, and telling Him that I'm not sure that I can do this. It may sound stupid and simple, but it's not! It's crazy! I never thought I'd be attacked by writing a blog! It's just the easiest thing, and yet, it's given me loads of unwanted comments and stress that I DO NOT need with the soon-to-be baby and being a stay at home wife and all that junk (good junk, but strenuous junk!) that goes with it. Then, I just have to keep reminding myself that God is not going to put more on my shoulders than I can carry, and if He knows I can bear this heavy of a load, then I should be confident and feel a peace that I CAN do it through Him! I don't right now, but I have a feeling that things are gonna be looking up soon. So, I'm going to "keep my chin up" (as one of my best friend's always advises me to do. Yes, if you read this, you know I'm talking about you, mister!) and just start trusting Him more.
It's been really hard. I've been going through a lot of spiritual warfare trying to write. I guess Satan doesn't want it written, which I suppose it's a good thing. But. . . That doesn't make it any easier on me. Or give me any comfort. It's really discouraging when I sit down to write and I hit the thickest writer's block that I have EVER hit. I'm a good writer. Like, for real! I love writing and it's just something that I've always done. So, having this happen to me now is a major pain and I have never been as mad at Satan as I am now. I really wish he'd just find another distraction. (Sorry, but that's just how I feel.)
So, just besides the writer's block that often leaves me in tears of frustration (Dramatic, I know, but hey! I'm pregnant and we pregnant ladies have the right to be a little emotional, right?), I've been having the weirdest nightmares, which is very unusual for me; I haven't had a nightmare since I was 15 or 16. It sucks, not only because they are REALLY scary, but because my husband (Jeremiah) is such an incredibly sound sleeper, that even if I wake up shaking, he just lays there. (So, I do a lot of secretive snuggling. . . I think I use parentheses more than is proper.) I don't know where the nightmares are coming from. It's not like I get scared easily or disturbed easily. I've watched way too many scary movies than are good for me and they never have bothered me. I guess it's just another way that Satan's trying to get to me.
I've been praying that the Lord will just take everything away, and telling Him that I'm not sure that I can do this. It may sound stupid and simple, but it's not! It's crazy! I never thought I'd be attacked by writing a blog! It's just the easiest thing, and yet, it's given me loads of unwanted comments and stress that I DO NOT need with the soon-to-be baby and being a stay at home wife and all that junk (good junk, but strenuous junk!) that goes with it. Then, I just have to keep reminding myself that God is not going to put more on my shoulders than I can carry, and if He knows I can bear this heavy of a load, then I should be confident and feel a peace that I CAN do it through Him! I don't right now, but I have a feeling that things are gonna be looking up soon. So, I'm going to "keep my chin up" (as one of my best friend's always advises me to do. Yes, if you read this, you know I'm talking about you, mister!) and just start trusting Him more.
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